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Oya's Newsletter: "Roots & Wings"

August 2005: Volume 2, Issue 7. 

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Written & Published by Philippa Kennealy, MD, MPH, CPCC

Contents

Listen up! – Seven Secrets to Improving your Listening Skills
Oya News
Recommended Reading for Clients on the Move

Welcome Note

Welcome to the new "Roots and Wings" readers these past two months! And thank you to those who have shared this resource with your colleagues and friends.

Listen up! – Seven Secrets to Improving your Listening Skills

Did you know that –

- individuals listen to and comprehend only about 25% of what is being communicated, and yet good listening is judged in the workplace to account for 40% of the variance in effective leadership?

- in a large survey across 15 countries, 85% of all participants rated themselves as average or poor listeners?

- 75% of information that is exchanged in a day is lost by the average person because of poor listening?

This next fact may explain part of the problem. We talk at a rate of 125 to 200 words a minute and yet we listen at 500+ words a minute, which means there’s a gap between the speed of the input via our ears – it’s too slow - and the higher speed of our brains’ processing mechanisms for what we are hearing.

What is the difference between “hearing” and “listening”?

Hearing is a purely passive physiologic capacity involving the reception of sound.

Listening is the cognitive, mindful, conscious act and desire to hear, comprehend, and respond to others. It involves not only our senses, but also our cortical thinking brains and our sub-cortical emotional brains.

Which of the following are your common blocks to good listening?:

• Allow myself to become distracted too easily

• Easily bored

• Talk too much

• Impatient

• Want to avoid getting involved

• Don’t like what I am hearing and want to tune you out

• Hold negative feelings towards you

• Am focused on the need to persuade

• Am too critical or judgmental

• Need to “finish your sentence” because I know what you are going to say

• Take too many notes

• “Know it all”

• Am focused on how to respond, preparing arguments or counterpoints as you talk

• Need to provide a quick solution or advice

• Am under time or space pressure

• Don’t care enough

• Shyness or self-consciousness – am judging my own performance

• Fidgeting or restlessness (also includes constant “doodling”)

• Lack of trust in my instincts or intuition

• “Physical” barrier, such as hearing problem, language differences (I have a hard time understanding American English)

The 7 Secrets that will dramatically boost your listening skills are:

1.      Get out of your own head. Good listeners are able to ignore the constant internal “mind chatter” or dialog that goes on in the brain during a conversation. They focus intently on the other person instead of on their own thoughts and judgments.

Stop listening to what you are going to say, and listen to what is being said to you.

2.      W.A.I.T. Many poor listeners talk too much – they avoid the discomfort of silence by filling the space with nervous chatter, or they ramble on to justify their decisions or opinions, or they simply prefer to be in charge of the conversation.

If you find yourself dominating the conversation, ask yourself: Why Am I Talking? (W.A.I.T.?)

3.      Don’t fix it. Many a spouse is known to complain that he or she shares a work issue at the end of the day, only to be advised or even told how to fix it. Most often, all he or she really wants is the luxury of being really truly listened to.

Avoid the temptation to solve a problem or fix an issue, unless your advice or expertise is actively sought.

4.      Quit multitasking. Don’t you just know it when you’re on a call with someone and they are reading e-mail or writing a shopping list at the same time? How does that make you feel? Good listeners will stop what they are doing, or set aside uninterrupted time, to give their whole attention to the conversation. They are showing respect for someone else’s time and significance. And for their own time, as it now known that multitaskers are less efficient and productive overall.

Put it down, set it aside, and give the conversation your undivided attention.

5.      Stop judging. Not only are poor listeners quick to judge others, but they are equally prone to self-criticism. Their inner critic’s chatter is alive and well. Good listeners replace judgment and criticism with curiosity and interest – what more can they ask, to learn about the other person to increase their understanding or clarify what’s being said?

Instead of deciding immediately if what you are hearing is good, bad, right, wrong, true or false, take time to explore.   Be absolutely fascinated (I mean it!) by the other person and his or her words. You’ll amaze yourself by what you learn.

6.  Influence others with your ears. Many people believe that  influence is all about making persuasive cases, selling their ideas, or arguing their position forcibly. It isn’t widely known that some of the greatest influence a person can have is through being an excellent listener. Can you recall being truly and consistently listened to? It’s a profoundly affecting experience, isn’t it? It builds your trust and confidence in the listener, to the point that you’d be willing to follow their lead or respond to any request, if they asked you!

Listen deeply, and influence others effectively, by using all that you learn about them in the course of your listening.

7.  Trust your gut. Intuition tends to be a little-used source of vital information. Good listeners pay close attention to their intuition – their “gut” reactions, or sudden visual images that come to them, or chest sensations. They then add the information into the mix. However, they avoid interpreting the information; they simply note it or share it with the speaker in a descriptive manner, e.g. “I have a hunch that I’d like to share with you. I get the feeling that we’re coming at this from totally different places”, without adding “and this is what is making you so resistant” (the interpretation).

Practice tuning your inner radio station to your intuition’s frequency, and note what is being broadcast.

Oya News

The heavens rained an abundance of new business on Oya Consulting in June and July, and for the fall. Apparently it pays to take a much-needed break from "having to" get things done, including writing a July newsletter!

The response to the Physician Leadership 5-class teleconference on "Secrets to Influencing Others and Eliciting High Performance" was so high that I had to create two groups. I plan to repeat the series early next year. 
This series is well-suited for a group or groups of leaders within one organization, so if your organization is looking for a customized teleconference leadership development program, please contact me. 

If your organization is sponsoring a special event and wants a lively provocative and entertaining speaker, please contact me, so that I can make your event a success. 

Recommended Reading for Clients on the Move

Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) is a term that is bandied about a lot in the lay press and leadership literature. Because it is the focus of my teleconference series, I re-read Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman, Annie McKee and Richard Boyatzis.

The book offers some interesting science about how our brains are wired to allow the easy spread of emotions from one person to another. The implication for leaders: your mood is contagious to the point that the productivity of your employees and your team or organization's financial performance are enhanced by an upbeat attitude (not a fake cheerfulness!) and decreased by sourness, pessimism or hostility.

Making a case that EQ skills are not purely genetically acquired, the authors show that, with attention and work, we are able to improve these skills throughout life until a late age. The payoff is high - better self-awareness, improved ability to manage our emotions effectively, a greater degree of social awareness including empathy for others, and - the crowning achievement - consummate skill in managing all those relationships so vital to your success as a leader.

Please forward this newsletter to a client, friend, relative or acquaintance that might enjoy reading it.

Philippa Kennealy MD MPH CPCC
The Vision Realization Process™ 
President, Oya Consulting

Dr. Philippa Kennealy is an Executive and Professional Coach and Professional Speaker, dedicated to your professional and personal success and fulfillment. To schedule an initial FR*EE consultation, to learn more, or to inquire about having her speak to your group or organization, contact her at:
pkennealy@oyaconsulting.com or click here.

SHARE THE WEALTH

If you enjoy this newsletter and want others to benefit, please forward this copy to family, friends or colleagues. I truly appreciate your loyalty and interest.
 

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