One of my
attentive readers pointed out to me that I had
promised to highlight the THREE key skills
of Emotional Intelligence and I had only
described two of them. She was right - I had
forgotten to follow up with the third skill.
Perhaps one of the least well exercised, and one
of the hardest to teach.
But first, just a
quick reminder about emotional intelligence.
Up to 90% of the
difference between outstanding and average
leaders is linked to emotional intelligence.
Your "EI" is twice as important as IQ and
technical expertise combined, and is four
times as important in terms of overall
success.
Emotional intelligent people have the
capacity to identify their own feelings and
those of others, are able to motivate themselves
and others, and do a great job of managing their
own emotions and relationships with others.
One of the foundation skills that enables a
leader or manager to succeed in relationships
with others is the skill of empathy.
Lack of empathy is a key reason why you might
have problems relating to people. This lack
is likely to create difficulties for you,
resulting in a tense home life, substandard job
performance, and problems with customer
relationships. If you cannot place yourself in
the shoes of the person you are attempting to
relate to, and influence towards a mutually
beneficial outcome, you're going to struggle to
be effective.
Just what does empathy look like in action?
Imagine sitting
down with someone - a colleague, your team, your
teenager, and trying to argue your way to a
result you want, without spending a moment to
understand the other point or points of view.
What result are you most likely to get?
Acquiescence and resentment? Rebellion? Passive
aggressive compliance?
While you may not
be able to truly stand in the shoes of other
people, you are certainly capable of stopping
and asking yourself:
"What might he
or she be feeling right now?"
"What could potentially be a source of concern to
him or her?"
"How might this outcome, that I want,
impact him or her?"
"What would be helpful for me to understand about
this person?
Empathy is an
extension of both caring and deep listening.
When you care about something outside of
yourself, in addition to yourself (the other
person, the larger goal, the principle at
stake), it is easier to be concerned about the
feelings of others.
Likewise, when
you're paying deep attention to others through
active listening, you cannot help noticing how
they are reacting, and it is more likely you'll
wonder how they are feeling.
To express your
empathy, you might begin your conversations in
some of the following ways:
"I imagine
that this must be difficult/painful/awkward
for you ...etc."
"I notice that this seems to be making you
uneasy and perhaps we can talk about that
some more."
"This might be tough for you to hear and I
hope you'll take it in the spirit in which
it is intended"
"I bet this isn't easy for you..."
"I recognize that we have different
positions on this and I respect our
differences".
Notice the absence
of one little word that would undermine your
sincerity - there are no "but"s in these
expressions of empathy.
What you'll notice
when you communicate from a place of empathy is
that your judgmental self will recede and your
kinder, gentler self will emerge, opening far
more doors and leading to far greater ability to
influence and persuade than all your other
guerilla tactics!
As always, I
welcome
your comments, disagreements or observations by e-mail to
pkennealy@oyaconsulting.com!
Just remember - show me a little empathy
<smile>.
Oya
News
Business is steady
- I have recently welcomed new clients and am
loving watching my older clients accomplish so
much in their lives, businesses and careers. I
sometimes feel like a witness to a force of
magic!
The Entrepreneurial MD is beginning to
thrive! I love writing my blog (take
a peek) and I enjoy feedback from new
readers. This month, I also published my first
newsletter, called The Entrepreneurial
Newsletter and if you want to read about the
impact of Optimism (and get two
articles-for-the-price-of-one. Just kidding!)
click here.
Once again, if you know of any
physicians who have built businesses in small or
big ways, please introduce me to them. I'd love
to learn about their accomplishments and invite
them to be interviewed by me. You can send me
their names by e-mailing me at
philippa@entrepreneurialMD.com!
And if you know
any physicians who are itching to start a
business or beef up their practices, please send
them to the new website at
www.entrepreneurialMD.com.
And if you're
wanting to make the last quarter
of this year as productive as possible,
contact
me,
for a complimentary meeting to discuss how
coaching might get you firmly on track to
accomplishing your goals.
It's a shock to
have your mental models about life and work
overturned, but I confess to enjoying a
challenge that might result in personal and
professional growth!
Are You Ready to Succeed?: Unconventional
strategies for achieving personal mastery in
business and life offers such a challenge.
Srikumar S. Rao is a business school professor
who offers a wildly popular course for MBA
students at Columbia Business School and The
London Business School.
Professor Rao
offers not only insights that provoke and
inspire new ways to view your life and your
definition of success, but provides a blueprint
for achieving mastery AND personal freedom, not
without rigorously challenging your willingness
to do the work, through a series of exercises.
His final chapter title sums up the essence of
the book - "You create your world (and your
reality -my added words) from what is inside
you". And then he hits you with a One-Year
Reading list. Go for it!
Please
forward this newsletter to a client, friend,
relative or acquaintance that might enjoy
reading it.
Philippa Kennealy MD MPH CPCC
President, Oya Consulting
Philippa Kennealy is an Executive and
Professional Coach and Professional Speaker, dedicated to your professional
and personal success and fulfillment.
To
schedule an initial FR*EE consultation, to learn
more, or to inquire about having her speak to
your group or organization, contact her at:
pkennealy@oyaconsulting.com
or
click here.
SHARE THE WEALTH
If you enjoy this newsletter and want others to
benefit, please forward this copy to family,
friends or colleagues. I truly appreciate your
loyalty and interest.
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